Dear Girls,
I have been facing a dilemma of late, an I think its time to talk about it out in the open. I havent yet brought it to my therapists attention, nor really to anyone elses, but its been weighing on my mind quite heavily; mostly due to the fact that it affects you.
You are aging. We all are. As I age, Im getting sick. There are several "band-aid" measures that the doctors can do to make my quality of life (QOL) better, but ultimately, I may be faced with the realization that I may get so sick, I will need a big fix...a third and hopefully final, open heart surgery. I am looking at a double transplant, heart and liver...and thats if they can even do it. My anatomy may not allow for that to happen, and at that point, I really will be looking at a change and down-slope of my QOL. I am scared...terrified really, of this future, but am even more worried about how it may affect you...my babies. My darlings.
I have had to face many of these fears in therapy, but they still ultimately weigh heavily on my mind, and ironically, my heart. I worry about the future...for all of us. I have my own health concerns of course, but...what about you two? Right now, I consider myself probably the luckiest person in the world. My QOL IS suffering, but nothing that I cant handle. I am lucky that this is taking place at this time in YOUR lives. Your older now; more mature. You both still have a playful nature, but you're calmer; you dont get into mischief and are up to anything that I am able to do. Go for a walk? Sure! Take a nap? OK! Snuggle in bed? ALWAYS! I appreciate it, and your patience with me...because often, in times of late, its been more napping and not walking =0( But playing in the hallway (Sheltie speedway) makes up for that...atleast I hope it does...
The other things that we have to deal with is the idea of mortality. I have a problem, a big problem, with death. I have never been able to deal with it, in a proper and healthy manner. Infact, part of my anxiety issues revolve around "anticipatory grief"...worrying about the loss of loved ones before it happens. That comes from my PTSD from work, my health, and losing my Dad. Im trying to cope with the idea that you ladies will someday have to travel to the spirit world, and will only be alive in my heart and in my memories. I try to take a lot of every day pictures, and mention you in atleast a FB post a day; but I know when the time comes, I will be devastated and there will be no source of comfort.
I have one "hope" on my side that may help me get through the tough times that lie ahead. And ironically enough, her name is Faith. Faith, as you know, is the kitty who found her way into my life by divine intervention. She has been truly a godsend, and we have a very close bond. This is becoming part of the problem. How can I have love in my heart to see you through your golden years (that may get tougher...) and build a relationship with the being that will probably help me the most when your time runs out? I worry that I will be too afraid to get another dog after you girls are gone, because I know no other dog, of any breed, could compare with how I feel about you. I worry Im not splitting and sharing my time equally. Even in the choices I make in what I read...cat or dog book?
This has been bothering me for sometime, an I will voice it at my next therapy session to get an outsiders opinion. I suspect I will need more specialized help, if one of you should leave me, but for right now, this is all Ive got. Im trying to gravitate towards people in the dog world who understand...but its been difficult.
Anyways, I want you to know that Im thinking about you, and loving you every second or every moment of every day I worry about you at night, and beg you in our "goodnights" to wake me if you need me...I'll be there. I'll be there until God separates us...which I worry about so deeply its almost petrifying; making me unable to move or even think clearly. What if I end up in the hospital when you need me most??? I pray that whatever may happen, that that scenario does not. I beg God that we can be together in our final moments; whose ever final moments they may be.
Thank you for being there, and for understanding. I hope I show you enough love every day that you will remember it and think of it when we are parted...that way, we will always live on in eachothers hearts until our souls are reunited.
I love you girls,
xoxo Mom
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Saturday, July 6, 2013
D-Day
Dear girls,
yesterday was D-Day, aka Dental Day. You've had dentals before, but not for a few years, and not while your 10 and 11. Your teeth needed to be done, especially yours Heidi, because your little pink gums were actually separated from your bottom incisors, leaving a gap where bacteria and other things (food?) could get into. You also had a lot of plaque build up, where as Shelby, you had mostly staining. I wanted this to be your last time ever having to have anesthesia...I'm hoping. I'm hoping that you never need any more surgery, and never have an emergency (*knocking vigorously on wood*). But although your dentals went well, the day did not go as planned, and was not easy...for me anyways.
I used to work for the vet that I take you to. Everyone knows me, and knows you are my BABIES. I have been allowed certain "privileges" (for lack off a better term) in the past-I have demanded to be with you while you are "knocked down" (put under) until intubated, and been allowed to see you right when you were extubated and been allowed to stay while you wake up. I have been there for every single surgery you have had. Your MCT's, Heidis perianal adenoma removal, and all of your dentals. But apparently they had a problem with a former employee in the past few weeks and have a new hospital policy that no one but staff was allowed in any treatment areas. Now, I don't know if this means that all visits to inpatients have to be conducted in exam rooms (which will be a problem when its a busy Sunday for emergencies and all the rooms are filled, or when the patient is too sick to be removed from its cage) but I see big problems with this policy in the future.
This "new policy" was completely unexpected when I brought you in yesterday. At first, they said that it would be several hours before they even premedded you because there were patients in line ahead of you. So reluctantly, I left you there (to sit in a cage) while I went to moms house. I waited until about 11:45 when they called me and said to come back, because it was your turn. So I drove down and they paged the dental department.
They brought Shelby out first. You had just been premedded. At first you were excited to see me, but as the time dragged on, you became more and more sedate, and then looked very nauseous. You lay down on the bench, and eventually went into an uneasy sleep. Finally, the tech came out, with Heidi, to come get Shelby because they were ready for her. I said that I usually stay with you until you are intubated and the tech said "well, you'll have to discuss that with the Dr." and then left to go get her...WITH Shelby-I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye because I thought Id see her again very soon.
Unfortunately, the Dr. came out and had a long conversation with me about the hospitals policy changes, not because of the former employees behavior, but because it was for the "patients benefit". I immediately became upset and saw a panic attack coming on. I said that if that was the case, she might as well take Heidi out back and let her premed in comfort, in a cage with a bed. I left, went into my car, and immediately launched into the panic attack that I foresaw coming. I was crying hysterically, hyperventilating, and I vomited several times in the parking lot. I had medication IN me, but no meds ON me to take. When I finally calmed down enough to drive, I went back to moms house, worrying all the time that I was not there and you were scared and not knowing what was happening. I trust the Dr. and staff just fine, but I DONT trust anesthesia. Again, from all my experiences, including waking up during procedures, having a hard time waking up from others and being terrorized and terrified. I hated to think it was something you girls would have to go through.
I waited and waited. Finally at about 3ish, the Dr. called and said Shelby was done and had no issues...just as they thought, she just needed a simple cleaning. Then, at 4:20 she called again and said Heidi was done and did fine too, although she needed her 4 incisors to be pulled. You could both come home after 6. I waited and Mom came home with some dinner. I ate, gratefully, and chatted with her to pass the time uneasily. Finally I could go get you!
You came out, both a little dazed and looking the worse for wear, but you were both OK. I breathed a sigh off relief that I had been holding in all day, waiting to see you in person. I hugged and kissed you, put you into the car, and we went home. You ate some canned food (very hungrily), had your meds (tramadol) and then went to sleep. You were both on the bed at one point but Shelby left to find comfort on the couch. Heidi made it upside down, but got hot after a while and wanted off too. I made a bed in the living room for you, right under Shelby, and I left you to sleep. As for myself, I slept uneasily still upset about the days events.
When I woke up there was poop ALL OVER the kitchen. I didn't care who did it, or how messy it was. I'm just glad someone went. Since then, you guys have remained for the most part, tired. You've slept a lot, but were grateful for breakfast. Heidi, you especially have recouped very well! You get the bursts of energy that demands attention. You want to play, even though you're missing your front teeth and bark at me bossily. You guys are both doing great and I'm so happy and grateful that your OK. I hope you never have to go through any other procedures again. I hope this is it...I hope you stay healthy forever...
I love you always and with all my heart,
Mumma
yesterday was D-Day, aka Dental Day. You've had dentals before, but not for a few years, and not while your 10 and 11. Your teeth needed to be done, especially yours Heidi, because your little pink gums were actually separated from your bottom incisors, leaving a gap where bacteria and other things (food?) could get into. You also had a lot of plaque build up, where as Shelby, you had mostly staining. I wanted this to be your last time ever having to have anesthesia...I'm hoping. I'm hoping that you never need any more surgery, and never have an emergency (*knocking vigorously on wood*). But although your dentals went well, the day did not go as planned, and was not easy...for me anyways.
I used to work for the vet that I take you to. Everyone knows me, and knows you are my BABIES. I have been allowed certain "privileges" (for lack off a better term) in the past-I have demanded to be with you while you are "knocked down" (put under) until intubated, and been allowed to see you right when you were extubated and been allowed to stay while you wake up. I have been there for every single surgery you have had. Your MCT's, Heidis perianal adenoma removal, and all of your dentals. But apparently they had a problem with a former employee in the past few weeks and have a new hospital policy that no one but staff was allowed in any treatment areas. Now, I don't know if this means that all visits to inpatients have to be conducted in exam rooms (which will be a problem when its a busy Sunday for emergencies and all the rooms are filled, or when the patient is too sick to be removed from its cage) but I see big problems with this policy in the future.
This "new policy" was completely unexpected when I brought you in yesterday. At first, they said that it would be several hours before they even premedded you because there were patients in line ahead of you. So reluctantly, I left you there (to sit in a cage) while I went to moms house. I waited until about 11:45 when they called me and said to come back, because it was your turn. So I drove down and they paged the dental department.
They brought Shelby out first. You had just been premedded. At first you were excited to see me, but as the time dragged on, you became more and more sedate, and then looked very nauseous. You lay down on the bench, and eventually went into an uneasy sleep. Finally, the tech came out, with Heidi, to come get Shelby because they were ready for her. I said that I usually stay with you until you are intubated and the tech said "well, you'll have to discuss that with the Dr." and then left to go get her...WITH Shelby-I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye because I thought Id see her again very soon.
Unfortunately, the Dr. came out and had a long conversation with me about the hospitals policy changes, not because of the former employees behavior, but because it was for the "patients benefit". I immediately became upset and saw a panic attack coming on. I said that if that was the case, she might as well take Heidi out back and let her premed in comfort, in a cage with a bed. I left, went into my car, and immediately launched into the panic attack that I foresaw coming. I was crying hysterically, hyperventilating, and I vomited several times in the parking lot. I had medication IN me, but no meds ON me to take. When I finally calmed down enough to drive, I went back to moms house, worrying all the time that I was not there and you were scared and not knowing what was happening. I trust the Dr. and staff just fine, but I DONT trust anesthesia. Again, from all my experiences, including waking up during procedures, having a hard time waking up from others and being terrorized and terrified. I hated to think it was something you girls would have to go through.
I waited and waited. Finally at about 3ish, the Dr. called and said Shelby was done and had no issues...just as they thought, she just needed a simple cleaning. Then, at 4:20 she called again and said Heidi was done and did fine too, although she needed her 4 incisors to be pulled. You could both come home after 6. I waited and Mom came home with some dinner. I ate, gratefully, and chatted with her to pass the time uneasily. Finally I could go get you!
You came out, both a little dazed and looking the worse for wear, but you were both OK. I breathed a sigh off relief that I had been holding in all day, waiting to see you in person. I hugged and kissed you, put you into the car, and we went home. You ate some canned food (very hungrily), had your meds (tramadol) and then went to sleep. You were both on the bed at one point but Shelby left to find comfort on the couch. Heidi made it upside down, but got hot after a while and wanted off too. I made a bed in the living room for you, right under Shelby, and I left you to sleep. As for myself, I slept uneasily still upset about the days events.
When I woke up there was poop ALL OVER the kitchen. I didn't care who did it, or how messy it was. I'm just glad someone went. Since then, you guys have remained for the most part, tired. You've slept a lot, but were grateful for breakfast. Heidi, you especially have recouped very well! You get the bursts of energy that demands attention. You want to play, even though you're missing your front teeth and bark at me bossily. You guys are both doing great and I'm so happy and grateful that your OK. I hope you never have to go through any other procedures again. I hope this is it...I hope you stay healthy forever...
I love you always and with all my heart,
Mumma
Monday, July 1, 2013
Another long absence...
Dear Heidi and Shelby,
so its been quite a while since I've written to you two...it seems like forever; so many things have happened since the last time I wrote. My last post was in October of last year. So many changes...
As you have seen, Mom and Auntie Ginny are packing. Mom has decided to file for bankruptcy and give up our little cottage on the river. You see, Mom has a lot of medical problems and cannot work right now. Although we did get some good news last week when I found out that I was fully approved for disability, it is not enough to keep our little family and house afloat. We will be going back to live with "other mumma" (grandma) and although I know it will be stressful, it is the best thing for us right now. Mom needs to get on a better financial track, and be able to care for you both the way you need to be cared for.
This includes having your teeth cleaned this Friday. I know you girls don't like to go to the vet, and you definitely don't like to be under anesthesia, but it is the best thing for you right now. Lets get this done one last time, so we can take out any problem teeth (Heidi, I'm talking to you) and lets get those babies pearly white so you never have to do this again. Hopefully this will be your last surgeries!!
That reminds me...of one of the events that took place earlier this year. Heidi, do you remember when I was grooming you and I found a lump near your bum? Remember how upset I got? I thought for sure you had your cancer come back; either another MCT or worse, a dreaded adenocarcinoma. Although we biopsied it with a needle and it came back good, I wouldn't have felt right about leaving it there...not with the potential of it really being something serious, or something that could grow and affect your way of life: moving, pooping, etc. So I decided to let you go under the knife yet again, and have this lump removed. Luckily the report on the FULL biopsy came back as a benign adenoma...and we should have no more problems from here on out.
And speaking of problems, Shelby, I believe that the last post was about your eye...anyone wanting to know what happened can rest assured that her corneal scratch healed fully with eye meds...no surgery for this girl!
Something else that was GREAT that happened, was our last job. Our DREAM job. A job where I could work with you every day AND get to help people. I was hired as an Animal Facilitated Therapist at a group of regional rehab facilities here in the New England area. Our job was to work with patients and their occupational, speech or physical therapists. Your job was to make the patient feel more at ease and forget the fact that they were scared, or hurt, or in pain...forget that they were doing therapy at all. You both EXCELLED at it...and I have to say, I thought I did too. But Moms anxiety reared its ugly head, and after 3 months, I went to my review and was told I had too many absences; they let us go. I wonder whether or not I could have kept working at that job. Most of my anxieties revolved around seeing you both age; seeing you get slower, or refuse to work because of fatigue. I now look back and understand that we were ALL out of shape, because Mom had spent the past year almost in the dreaded deep hole of depression, and we rarely got out. I would panic when I saw these signs, or worry about seeing them before we would even leave for work. I panicked so much that I immediately thought of getting another dog, to train to do your job (because I expected to be there long term) so you could take a break...have someone waiting in the wings. And that's where Norah comes in...
I found Norah on a puppy/planned litters website for Shiloh Shepherds. I didn't want another sheltie at this time, and was having German Shepherd lust. But I didn't want the typical "no off switch" GSD that had too much energy for me. I wanted a calm, smart working dog...that was big. So, remembering my experiences with the Shiloh breed from working at the vet, that's the breed I gravitated to. Norah came up from Florida and we picked her up from NJ (where her sisters parents lived and drove her to) on 3/17. By April, I could tell something was wrong. It turned out Norah had severe hip dysplasia and would need surgery on both hips. Unfortunately, I could not come up with the money to afford the surgery and rehab...I had to make the heartbreaking and gut-wrenching decision to re-home her...oddly enough with the people from NJ who had brought her up. I LOVED her. I thought she was going to be my next great dog, but fate stepped in, and severed our bond. I think about her every day, and know that YOU know that; I know because you see me still have crying fits and panic attacks when I think about her. I'm sorry I lose sight of you two, right in front of me, and being grateful that I still have you. But its like giving up a baby...a baby I will never see grow up; a baby who has issues that I couldn't take care of or fix. It not only feels like a failure, but a devastating loss filled with immeasurable grief.
But I am working on that grief, and with your help, along with "other mumma" and Auntie Ginny, I'm slowly getting through it. I'm trying to focus more on YOU two now, and realizing that you are my future and at this age, you need to be cared for, even more than before. Heidi, today is your 11th birthday...your considered by some to be an "old lady"!! But I tell people don't let that white on her face fool you...she is still as quick, smart, brilliant and playful as ever...and so is her sister, who is only 7 mos younger! You two give me a reason to get up every day, and are forcing me to get out and socialize. Id like to get you back into agility, even just open practice, so you can have some fun again and keep yourselves young =0) And of course, it wouldn't hurt me to get some more exercise!!
So that's where we've been the past 6 mos, and I will try my damnedest to not let another 6 mos go by before I write to you again. I expect many more adventures for us; especially this year and the year ahead. Get ready girls...Mom may not be 100%, but I'm trying...and I know you'll be right there by my side helping me get back to where I was...
I love you both SO much,
Happy 11th birthday Heidi,
Love Mom
so its been quite a while since I've written to you two...it seems like forever; so many things have happened since the last time I wrote. My last post was in October of last year. So many changes...
As you have seen, Mom and Auntie Ginny are packing. Mom has decided to file for bankruptcy and give up our little cottage on the river. You see, Mom has a lot of medical problems and cannot work right now. Although we did get some good news last week when I found out that I was fully approved for disability, it is not enough to keep our little family and house afloat. We will be going back to live with "other mumma" (grandma) and although I know it will be stressful, it is the best thing for us right now. Mom needs to get on a better financial track, and be able to care for you both the way you need to be cared for.
This includes having your teeth cleaned this Friday. I know you girls don't like to go to the vet, and you definitely don't like to be under anesthesia, but it is the best thing for you right now. Lets get this done one last time, so we can take out any problem teeth (Heidi, I'm talking to you) and lets get those babies pearly white so you never have to do this again. Hopefully this will be your last surgeries!!
That reminds me...of one of the events that took place earlier this year. Heidi, do you remember when I was grooming you and I found a lump near your bum? Remember how upset I got? I thought for sure you had your cancer come back; either another MCT or worse, a dreaded adenocarcinoma. Although we biopsied it with a needle and it came back good, I wouldn't have felt right about leaving it there...not with the potential of it really being something serious, or something that could grow and affect your way of life: moving, pooping, etc. So I decided to let you go under the knife yet again, and have this lump removed. Luckily the report on the FULL biopsy came back as a benign adenoma...and we should have no more problems from here on out.
And speaking of problems, Shelby, I believe that the last post was about your eye...anyone wanting to know what happened can rest assured that her corneal scratch healed fully with eye meds...no surgery for this girl!
Something else that was GREAT that happened, was our last job. Our DREAM job. A job where I could work with you every day AND get to help people. I was hired as an Animal Facilitated Therapist at a group of regional rehab facilities here in the New England area. Our job was to work with patients and their occupational, speech or physical therapists. Your job was to make the patient feel more at ease and forget the fact that they were scared, or hurt, or in pain...forget that they were doing therapy at all. You both EXCELLED at it...and I have to say, I thought I did too. But Moms anxiety reared its ugly head, and after 3 months, I went to my review and was told I had too many absences; they let us go. I wonder whether or not I could have kept working at that job. Most of my anxieties revolved around seeing you both age; seeing you get slower, or refuse to work because of fatigue. I now look back and understand that we were ALL out of shape, because Mom had spent the past year almost in the dreaded deep hole of depression, and we rarely got out. I would panic when I saw these signs, or worry about seeing them before we would even leave for work. I panicked so much that I immediately thought of getting another dog, to train to do your job (because I expected to be there long term) so you could take a break...have someone waiting in the wings. And that's where Norah comes in...
I found Norah on a puppy/planned litters website for Shiloh Shepherds. I didn't want another sheltie at this time, and was having German Shepherd lust. But I didn't want the typical "no off switch" GSD that had too much energy for me. I wanted a calm, smart working dog...that was big. So, remembering my experiences with the Shiloh breed from working at the vet, that's the breed I gravitated to. Norah came up from Florida and we picked her up from NJ (where her sisters parents lived and drove her to) on 3/17. By April, I could tell something was wrong. It turned out Norah had severe hip dysplasia and would need surgery on both hips. Unfortunately, I could not come up with the money to afford the surgery and rehab...I had to make the heartbreaking and gut-wrenching decision to re-home her...oddly enough with the people from NJ who had brought her up. I LOVED her. I thought she was going to be my next great dog, but fate stepped in, and severed our bond. I think about her every day, and know that YOU know that; I know because you see me still have crying fits and panic attacks when I think about her. I'm sorry I lose sight of you two, right in front of me, and being grateful that I still have you. But its like giving up a baby...a baby I will never see grow up; a baby who has issues that I couldn't take care of or fix. It not only feels like a failure, but a devastating loss filled with immeasurable grief.
But I am working on that grief, and with your help, along with "other mumma" and Auntie Ginny, I'm slowly getting through it. I'm trying to focus more on YOU two now, and realizing that you are my future and at this age, you need to be cared for, even more than before. Heidi, today is your 11th birthday...your considered by some to be an "old lady"!! But I tell people don't let that white on her face fool you...she is still as quick, smart, brilliant and playful as ever...and so is her sister, who is only 7 mos younger! You two give me a reason to get up every day, and are forcing me to get out and socialize. Id like to get you back into agility, even just open practice, so you can have some fun again and keep yourselves young =0) And of course, it wouldn't hurt me to get some more exercise!!
So that's where we've been the past 6 mos, and I will try my damnedest to not let another 6 mos go by before I write to you again. I expect many more adventures for us; especially this year and the year ahead. Get ready girls...Mom may not be 100%, but I'm trying...and I know you'll be right there by my side helping me get back to where I was...
I love you both SO much,
Happy 11th birthday Heidi,
Love Mom
Friday, October 5, 2012
Eye spy...a black cloud
Dear Heidi and Shelby,
it seems like the perpetual black cloud that has been hanging over our head is still there...and it stretches on. Heidi, you saw the surgeon on Wednesday, and we found out that fortunately, you did not blow out your knee. The Dr. thought that your cruciate was fine, and and the possibility of tearing your meniscus without blowing the cruciate too was very unlikely...possible, but unlikely. She thought it could be another ligament that was irritated, as the swelling in the knee was more medial (inside), or a bursa. Either way, the instructions were the same-icing, range of motion exercises, PT, and rest. We have a follow up next Wednesday to check on your progress.
Well, the good news is, is that there is progress to report.You're now weight bearing on the leg, and able to get around better. You actually went on a short walk around the neighborhood tonight, and hardly limped, or even paced at all. GREAT NEWS! We came back and I iced your leg, and you even jumped up onto the couch on your own (while you were unsupervised!) The gabapentin that the Dr. gave you also seems to be helping. Not enough to make you loopy or forget that you have some pain (which slows you down), but enough to dull it.
The only other problem, is that on tonight's walk, you decided you needed to potty. When I went to go scoop, it was fairly loose-I guess not giving you your flagyl this morning made a difference. I didn't give it, because when you went poop for the first time the other night, it was completely solid and formed. So, I gave it to you tonight. I also have been mixing kibble in with your chicken/rice/baby food mixture so that might have made a difference as well. I want to make sure we take care of this bug all the way. I'm a little concerned about this, but hoping that a few more days of flagyl and bland diet goodness will help.
Now, onto my little Shelby. You my dear, have decided that you do not like that your sister has been getting more of her fair share of attention. So you had to do something to get some too. Yeah...the way in which you did it though...no a good idea. Granted, it wasn't your fault. It was an accident. You were standing close to the book shelf while I was feeding the fish, and one of the cats knocked over a knick-nack. It hit you, but I didn't see where. You squeeked and ran away under the table. When you came out, I thought it had hit you in the foot. But a little while later, when you jumped on the bed, I saw you squinting and your nictating membrane was up. I grabbed an ice pack and held it on your eye, but it didn't seem to alleviate the pain.
I called the vet AGAIN, and we went in to see the opthamalogist, Dr. Marrion as she really loves you guys. She stained your eye and found a scratch on your cornea. GREAT =0( She gave us some meds and said hopefully that these would work on your eye to help heal the scratch and prevent it from turning into an ulcer. She also gave you tramadol for your pain. She said to see her next week for a recheck. Great. Now you and Heidi have appointments on the same day. At least I can save on the gas driving down there...yeah. Theres the silver lining. The real good news will be that your scratch has healed, instead of it turning into an ulcer and needing surgery. Now THAT will be a silver lining.
So that's where we stand now, girls. Waiting to see how your rechecks go next week. Lets hope that Heidi's leg, and Shelbys eye, have healed. Lets hope this black cloud has some light behind it...
I love you girls,
and will always take care of you,
xoxo
it seems like the perpetual black cloud that has been hanging over our head is still there...and it stretches on. Heidi, you saw the surgeon on Wednesday, and we found out that fortunately, you did not blow out your knee. The Dr. thought that your cruciate was fine, and and the possibility of tearing your meniscus without blowing the cruciate too was very unlikely...possible, but unlikely. She thought it could be another ligament that was irritated, as the swelling in the knee was more medial (inside), or a bursa. Either way, the instructions were the same-icing, range of motion exercises, PT, and rest. We have a follow up next Wednesday to check on your progress.
Well, the good news is, is that there is progress to report.You're now weight bearing on the leg, and able to get around better. You actually went on a short walk around the neighborhood tonight, and hardly limped, or even paced at all. GREAT NEWS! We came back and I iced your leg, and you even jumped up onto the couch on your own (while you were unsupervised!) The gabapentin that the Dr. gave you also seems to be helping. Not enough to make you loopy or forget that you have some pain (which slows you down), but enough to dull it.
The only other problem, is that on tonight's walk, you decided you needed to potty. When I went to go scoop, it was fairly loose-I guess not giving you your flagyl this morning made a difference. I didn't give it, because when you went poop for the first time the other night, it was completely solid and formed. So, I gave it to you tonight. I also have been mixing kibble in with your chicken/rice/baby food mixture so that might have made a difference as well. I want to make sure we take care of this bug all the way. I'm a little concerned about this, but hoping that a few more days of flagyl and bland diet goodness will help.
Now, onto my little Shelby. You my dear, have decided that you do not like that your sister has been getting more of her fair share of attention. So you had to do something to get some too. Yeah...the way in which you did it though...no a good idea. Granted, it wasn't your fault. It was an accident. You were standing close to the book shelf while I was feeding the fish, and one of the cats knocked over a knick-nack. It hit you, but I didn't see where. You squeeked and ran away under the table. When you came out, I thought it had hit you in the foot. But a little while later, when you jumped on the bed, I saw you squinting and your nictating membrane was up. I grabbed an ice pack and held it on your eye, but it didn't seem to alleviate the pain.
I called the vet AGAIN, and we went in to see the opthamalogist, Dr. Marrion as she really loves you guys. She stained your eye and found a scratch on your cornea. GREAT =0( She gave us some meds and said hopefully that these would work on your eye to help heal the scratch and prevent it from turning into an ulcer. She also gave you tramadol for your pain. She said to see her next week for a recheck. Great. Now you and Heidi have appointments on the same day. At least I can save on the gas driving down there...yeah. Theres the silver lining. The real good news will be that your scratch has healed, instead of it turning into an ulcer and needing surgery. Now THAT will be a silver lining.
So that's where we stand now, girls. Waiting to see how your rechecks go next week. Lets hope that Heidi's leg, and Shelbys eye, have healed. Lets hope this black cloud has some light behind it...
I love you girls,
and will always take care of you,
xoxo
Monday, October 1, 2012
Sick Puppy
Dear Heidi,
You're scaring me. You have been vomiting and had diarrhea for about 4 days now. Nothing I have done seemed to help-not fasting, not a bland diet, not slippery elm. So finally, before you got too dehydrated, I decided to bring you into the hospital. I called and made the appointment yesterday, after I had shown you some food (boiled chicken and rice) and you promptly threw up just at its smell. I made the appointment for 10:30 this morning with a different doctor than you usually see, because she was at a CE lecture in CA.
But this morning, you decided to make me worry just a bit more! I put all 4 of you out, and when you came in, you immediately lie down. When I called you up, you had an extremely hard time getting up, were wobbbly when standing, and then revealed that you were standing on only 3 legs. You were non-weight bearing on your right rear leg. I feel terrible that I don't know what happened, because I wasn't watching you. Did you slip on the wet leaves on the deck? Slip on the stairs? What happened?
So, you rested with me the rest of the morning, and then I got you up to go to the vet. When we got there, I wrapped you in a blanket and carried you in. The room tech, and then the dr. asked me all kinds of questions regarding your GI upset, and your lameness. I don't think I did a good job explaining...I felt like a neglectful mother. But the dr. was able to decipher what I was trying to remember and tell them.
She wanted to do some bloodwork, give you fluids and some injections. Unfortunately, the two issues do not help each other...they cant give you pain meds, because of your upset tummy, and the fact that your NSAID intolerant (they put you into renal failure). So the plan is to try and get your GI tract back in shape, and then deal with your sore leg.
They gave you sub-q fluids, pepcid, cerenia and buprinex all by injection, and sent you home with flagyl. As soon as your belly gets better, we will start gabapentin for your leg, and if that and rest doesn't help, we'll see the surgeon. The dr. we saw had another dr. feel your leg and agreed that the knee was inflamed, but you didn't blow it out (we hope). Everyone agreed it was probably soft tissue, so as of now, xrays weren't needed. They were also not needed for your abdomen as it is unlikely you have a foreign body.
When I took you home, you were pretty out of it. The burpinex made you pretty tired and you panted all the way home, sitting beside me in the passenger seat. We had to stop at Walmart to get you some baby food and pick up my prescription. You didn't move the entire time I was in the store. When we finally got home, I carried you into the front yard, thinking you would have to pee. Instead you had more diarrhea, this time with a touch of blood. You almost couldn't walk into the house. I put my Patriots blanket onto the floor, and you lied right down. After I had gotten settled, I put you in bed with me. That's where you've been all day...sleeping. I just took you out again, and saw how much pain you are really in. You limped around, a tripod, and wouldn't do potty for me. It was hard for you to get into the position because of your leg =0(
I'm going to continue to watch you, and carry you around for as long as it takes. I want you to rest your leg, and we need to get your GI stuff under control. I'm going to try and feel you a little more later tonight, and hope that stays down...otherwise, its back to the dr.
Please get better my love...I hate seeing you in this much pain and discomfort. Your so stoic, I know you must be in a lot of pain in order to show it. I hope we can figure all of this out...
I love you,
xoxo
You're scaring me. You have been vomiting and had diarrhea for about 4 days now. Nothing I have done seemed to help-not fasting, not a bland diet, not slippery elm. So finally, before you got too dehydrated, I decided to bring you into the hospital. I called and made the appointment yesterday, after I had shown you some food (boiled chicken and rice) and you promptly threw up just at its smell. I made the appointment for 10:30 this morning with a different doctor than you usually see, because she was at a CE lecture in CA.
But this morning, you decided to make me worry just a bit more! I put all 4 of you out, and when you came in, you immediately lie down. When I called you up, you had an extremely hard time getting up, were wobbbly when standing, and then revealed that you were standing on only 3 legs. You were non-weight bearing on your right rear leg. I feel terrible that I don't know what happened, because I wasn't watching you. Did you slip on the wet leaves on the deck? Slip on the stairs? What happened?
So, you rested with me the rest of the morning, and then I got you up to go to the vet. When we got there, I wrapped you in a blanket and carried you in. The room tech, and then the dr. asked me all kinds of questions regarding your GI upset, and your lameness. I don't think I did a good job explaining...I felt like a neglectful mother. But the dr. was able to decipher what I was trying to remember and tell them.
She wanted to do some bloodwork, give you fluids and some injections. Unfortunately, the two issues do not help each other...they cant give you pain meds, because of your upset tummy, and the fact that your NSAID intolerant (they put you into renal failure). So the plan is to try and get your GI tract back in shape, and then deal with your sore leg.
They gave you sub-q fluids, pepcid, cerenia and buprinex all by injection, and sent you home with flagyl. As soon as your belly gets better, we will start gabapentin for your leg, and if that and rest doesn't help, we'll see the surgeon. The dr. we saw had another dr. feel your leg and agreed that the knee was inflamed, but you didn't blow it out (we hope). Everyone agreed it was probably soft tissue, so as of now, xrays weren't needed. They were also not needed for your abdomen as it is unlikely you have a foreign body.
When I took you home, you were pretty out of it. The burpinex made you pretty tired and you panted all the way home, sitting beside me in the passenger seat. We had to stop at Walmart to get you some baby food and pick up my prescription. You didn't move the entire time I was in the store. When we finally got home, I carried you into the front yard, thinking you would have to pee. Instead you had more diarrhea, this time with a touch of blood. You almost couldn't walk into the house. I put my Patriots blanket onto the floor, and you lied right down. After I had gotten settled, I put you in bed with me. That's where you've been all day...sleeping. I just took you out again, and saw how much pain you are really in. You limped around, a tripod, and wouldn't do potty for me. It was hard for you to get into the position because of your leg =0(
I'm going to continue to watch you, and carry you around for as long as it takes. I want you to rest your leg, and we need to get your GI stuff under control. I'm going to try and feel you a little more later tonight, and hope that stays down...otherwise, its back to the dr.
Please get better my love...I hate seeing you in this much pain and discomfort. Your so stoic, I know you must be in a lot of pain in order to show it. I hope we can figure all of this out...
I love you,
xoxo
Friday, September 28, 2012
Sore Sniffer
Dear Shelby,
You have a sore sniffer! Momma found a gauge on your nose last night, and it looks pretty painful. Of course you'd never let on...your stoic attitude means that if I wasn't so obsessed with checking every square inch of you every day, I may not have even noticed. You haven't been pawing at it or anything. But, my poor baby, its pretty red-raw, and your little nose print circle things are scraped off =0( I put some vitamin E oil on it last night, and it looks better. Of course you wanted to lick it off right away, but even your long Shelby tongue couldn't quite reach it all.
I think what happened, is when I brought you over "other mummas" (my mothers) house, her dog Brandy, stuck her paw through the gate and scratched you good. I know you try and be on your best sheltie behavior, but it is truly hard when Brandy is around. Shes young, and doesn't always necessarily speak good "dog". She thinks that your "mean teeth" aren't scary at all, and that by you growling at her means you MUST want to play. I try and keep her separated, but sometimes accidents happen. And I think this was one of those times.
I'm sorry I didn't keep a better eye and protect you more. I'm usually better at that. And I'm sorry it took me so long to notice your poor nose. I'm going to get the vitamin E right now, and put some more on it to see if we can heal it a little bit quicker.
I promise to keep a better eye on Brandy next time we go over, and not let her harass you as much. Again, I'm sorry I failed you.
Mumma loves you so much, my little snuggler,
xoxo
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
My first book...any help is appreciated!!
Dear girls,
Ive decided to pursue my dream and write a new book called "Letters to The Bridge". Here is what I have been sending people to explain it:
Hi everyone,
My name is Jenn, and I am going to be writing a book called "Letters to The Bridge". This book will contain letters from every day people who are grieving the loss of a beloved pet, no matter how much time has passed.
I am looking for people to volunteer to write these letters to their pet and they just might make it into the book. I'm looking for letters 1-2 pages long, telling your pets story. I would also love to have a copy of your favorite picture of your pet.
Please email letterstothebridge@yahoo.com with your letter in the body of the email, rather than in an attachment.
I'm writing this book to help people who are going through the immense grief that comes with the loss of a loved furkid. I want people out there to know that they are not alone, and that millions of people all around the world have the same feeling they do...and how therapeutic writing can be. I was inspired to collect these letters by all of the notes that were written and hung as memorials at the Dog Chapel at Dog Mountain, and by the book "Beezer and Boomer" by Doug Koktavy (this is a book written about his two labs and how they go through the living and dying process).
If anyone would like to help me with this project, please email me at the link above. You can also visit our face book page by typing "letters to the bridge" in the search box.
Thank you for all of your time, help, and stories in advance. Hugs to you all,
Jenn Whalen
What do you think? Ive had this idea for a long while now, but I am finally getting up the nerve to do it. Ive already emailed a publisher, and am waiting eagerly to hear back. I don't know how many people read this little blog of ours, but if anyone would care to write, or pass around the message, I would be so thankful. I'm trying to reach as many people as possible to give them all the opportunity to tell their special, one of a kind, beloved pets story.
I love you girls to the ends of the earth,
thank you for being my co-authors,
xoxo
Ive decided to pursue my dream and write a new book called "Letters to The Bridge". Here is what I have been sending people to explain it:
Hi everyone,
My name is Jenn, and I am going to be writing a book called "Letters to The Bridge". This book will contain letters from every day people who are grieving the loss of a beloved pet, no matter how much time has passed.
I am looking for people to volunteer to write these letters to their pet and they just might make it into the book. I'm looking for letters 1-2 pages long, telling your pets story. I would also love to have a copy of your favorite picture of your pet.
Please email letterstothebridge@yahoo.com with your letter in the body of the email, rather than in an attachment.
I'm writing this book to help people who are going through the immense grief that comes with the loss of a loved furkid. I want people out there to know that they are not alone, and that millions of people all around the world have the same feeling they do...and how therapeutic writing can be. I was inspired to collect these letters by all of the notes that were written and hung as memorials at the Dog Chapel at Dog Mountain, and by the book "Beezer and Boomer" by Doug Koktavy (this is a book written about his two labs and how they go through the living and dying process).
If anyone would like to help me with this project, please email me at the link above. You can also visit our face book page by typing "letters to the bridge" in the search box.
Thank you for all of your time, help, and stories in advance. Hugs to you all,
Jenn Whalen
What do you think? Ive had this idea for a long while now, but I am finally getting up the nerve to do it. Ive already emailed a publisher, and am waiting eagerly to hear back. I don't know how many people read this little blog of ours, but if anyone would care to write, or pass around the message, I would be so thankful. I'm trying to reach as many people as possible to give them all the opportunity to tell their special, one of a kind, beloved pets story.
I love you girls to the ends of the earth,
thank you for being my co-authors,
xoxo
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