Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Golden days

whats it like owning an older sheltie? Well, there are somethings that some sheltie parents have to deal with; they cant move as if you have any big and/or young dogs. they cant keep up as well, and it could be a fall risk. If you have hardwood or linoleum flooring, that also might be a fall risk where they cant get a grip. You might have to deal with failing senses: your dog might start losing their hearing, which at times, can be incredibly frustrating and sometimes you feel like your always yelling. Their sight may be going in which case theyre reluctant to move, or go far or do stairs because they can only see shadows or shapes. Their smell maybe going so they find it hard to find food. If theyve lost some of their taste (or smell too) their food might not be apetizing and they may walk away without eating. (again, frustrating). And finally touch; if they become brittle, thin, or painful, touch might be annoying or even painful to them. If they have lost some other senses or sleep in a deep sleep, touch may frighten them...sometimes they may even growl, or bite.
But thats not all. Its not all doom and gloom. There is nothing more rewarding than taking care of someone who needs you. There is also nothing more stressful, heartbreaking and difficult...especially when your "patient" doesnt know youre trying to help.
Taking care of Heidi has been trying. Because of my heart condition I have always been "the patient", and now being the caretaker is a very different role for me.
Heidi started becoming "old" when she started to develop arthritis around 6. That ended our agility career together. But that was OK, she became a therapy dog and my hiking buddy instead. Then she started losing muscle mass, especially in her hind legs. No one could explain why. She was always active, running after her toys, running at the beach, no trouble with stairs, etc. We took hip xrays and they too showed arthritic changes, but so did her back. We still didnt really slow down. Then, I got sick. Ive wasted almost 5 years being practically bed ridden...and Heidi has suffered. Suddenly, she lost 6lbs. But it wasnt fat, it was musculature all over her body. As of right now, shes frail...breakable even. But I still make her do things so she doesnt just slip away from me. She still does stairs (mostly, sometimes she cant go up, so I carry her). She also plays with my 20 mos old puppy Joy. Heidi still loves fetch. But again, things came up. She started drinking. And drinking. AND DRINKING. And what happens when you drink? You pee. Shes now had about 3 or 4 accidents in the house and a few at the vet clinic. She was diagnosed with pituitary cushings disease, which means she has a small (50/50 benign or malignant) tumor on her pituitary gland in her brain. It caused both of her adrenal glands to become twice as big as usual. They are responsible for making the cortisol hormone in the body which causes her to pant excessively, drink/pee excessively and become ravenously hungry.
Shes on meds now, but she needs another blood test next week. In speaking of older dogs, she woke up yesterday morning laying in her own urine. Then today about a half hour before I got on the treadmill, I put her out and she peed. Then she came in and had an accident in the house. I had to hide it from my mom cause it was in her exercise room! So for right now, Ive been diligent and vigilant on taking her out very frequently as to not have accidents. Shes also drinking alot still, so I have her sleeping on a pee pad.
The other thing shes doing, and I dont know if its related to the cushings or whether she is starting to get CCD (Canine Cognitive Disorder, or "doggy dimentia") but she starts becoming "antsy" around 3:00pm when she eats at 5:30. This only happens if we're down stairs. She paces, whines, growls (in a talkitive way, not aggressive) and barks. She'll carry on like this till she lays down for about 5 mins, and then gets back up and starts all over again. It. Drives. Me. NUTS. So now we just stay upstairs until I get on the treadmill down stairs and she settles on the carpet. (or in tonights case, she pees!)
But speaking of the senses again, there are things we can do to make their lives easier and more comfortable. In the case of sight, I make sure I use my hand signals that she learned as a puppy in obedience school. I have to make sure the room is well lit, and have to raise my voice (because her hearing is also going) but sometimes I get frustrated and go get her because its easier. This usually happens every night at bed time. I scoop her up into my arms, kiss her on her head and feel the frustration melt away. She has no problem with taste or smell as she eats like its going to be her last meal, lol. Joy is an even faster eater so Heidi feels the competition! But then comes the drinking... almost emptying the whole water bowl. And then about an hour later,  the peeing,  and sometimes she doesn't make it outside. Yesterday I found her laying in a puddle of her own urine.  Then last night she had an accident in the house.  This may be the hardest part;  don't get me wrong I never get upset with her,  as I know she can't help it, but it's hard on clean up. Right now it's 234 am and I was up so I got her up to pee.  All she wanted to do was drink.  She finally went after the drink but I'm sure she's going to have to go again. 

Finally,  there's touch.  I'm going to write my next blog about massage for seniors.  This can be most beneficial when you know what you're doing.  Again,  massaging and touching can be painful so gentle petting is most often recommended,  but I'll give you some extra tips next time. This is the time I enjoy most with Heidi.  I massage her in her bed while she rests or if she proposes me while I play with Joy. She used to hate massage and was a terrible demo dog during my schooling for my SAMT degree, but now that I know what she wants,  she really enjoys it. 

So it's a lot of work but extremely rewarding to have your dog smile at you to see her thrive at the age of 13 1/2. Seeing her run down the hall after a toy.  Watch her eat with gusto.  And finally see her climb her Mt Everest, the stairs. We celebrate her joys in life,  but collapse in tears when she falters and her true age shows.  Sometimes I think I'll be ok without her.  But those thoughts are rare.  Sometimes I have the darkest thoughts about ending my own life to be with her when she goes.  But those thoughts go as quickly as they come. Its just hard thinking about losing my baby.... The very air I breathe.  But that's the nature of the beast of sharing your life with a dog....

Monday, June 2, 2014

...and ever


Do you want to play some frisbee?
Or how bout I throw the ball?
I think some play time is overdue,
Youre stuck to me like glue
When youre not bouncing off the wall!

Your puppy fluff is fading
Youre growing up so fast,
youre getting just so old,
And every day Im told
That this puppy time wont last...

Or how about some training?
We can work on sit and stay...
Im worried that youre way too smart
And now your in my heart,
and youll never go away...

Youre just about grown up now,
and every single day,
I wish I could just stop time,
and keep you mine,
but it seems I have no say...

You are the smartest dog Ive ever had,
and do agility like a pro
obedience is not so fun,
but we'll soon be done,
and then I guess we dont know...

We have so many chances,
to do what ever it is we please,
Therapy work is just the best,
youve past your test,
and now you put patients minds at ease...

But Im noticing youre getting grayer,
and its harder to get up from the floor,
you walk a little slower now
and dont rush so fast
to go and get out the door...

I worry about your health now,
and how much less you want to play
because some day will come,
when you'll be done,
and youll have to fly away...

I hold you in my arms girl,
and I kiss your fluffy head,
I know our time is running out,
but I cant live without
you sleeping in my bed...

Youve got to go to sleep now,
and when you wake youll be pain free,
I will miss you so so bad,
I think of all we've had,
and I know I need to set you free...

And for the first time in forever,
I'll be without your warmth and love...
Although I know youll always be with me
even just in spirit and memory
Youll be my guardian angel watching from above...

Im missing you already,
even though almost no time has passed
I work through my grief every day,
and I always say
Our love will always last...

Saturday, January 18, 2014

The dilemma

Dear Girls,

I have been facing a dilemma of late, an I think its time to talk about it out in the open. I havent yet brought it to my therapists attention, nor really to anyone elses, but its been weighing on my mind quite heavily; mostly due to the fact that it affects you.

You are aging. We all are. As I age, Im getting sick. There are several "band-aid" measures that the doctors can do to make my quality of life (QOL) better, but ultimately, I may be faced with the realization that I may get so sick, I will need a big fix...a third and hopefully final, open heart surgery. I am looking at a double transplant, heart and liver...and thats if they can even do it. My anatomy may not allow for that to happen, and at that point, I really will be looking at a change and down-slope of my QOL. I am scared...terrified really, of this future, but am even more worried about how it may affect babies. My darlings.

I have had to face many of these fears in therapy, but they still ultimately weigh heavily on my mind, and ironically, my heart. I worry about the future...for all of us. I have my own health concerns of course, but...what about you two? Right now, I consider myself probably the luckiest person in the world. My QOL IS suffering, but nothing that I cant handle. I am lucky that this is taking place at this time in YOUR lives. Your older now; more mature. You both still have a playful nature, but you're calmer; you dont get into mischief and are up to anything that I am able to do. Go for a walk? Sure! Take a nap? OK! Snuggle in bed? ALWAYS! I appreciate it, and your patience with me...because often, in times of late, its been more napping and not walking =0( But playing in the hallway (Sheltie speedway) makes up for that...atleast I hope it does...

The other things that we have to deal with is the idea of mortality. I have a problem, a big problem, with death. I have never been able to deal with it, in a proper and healthy manner. Infact, part of my anxiety issues revolve around "anticipatory grief"...worrying about the loss of loved ones before it happens. That comes from my PTSD from work, my health, and losing my Dad. Im trying to cope with the idea that you ladies will someday have to travel to the spirit world, and will only be alive in my heart and in my memories. I try to take a lot of every day pictures, and mention you in atleast a FB post a day; but I know when the time comes, I will be devastated and there will be no source of comfort.

I have one "hope" on my side that may help me get through the tough times that lie ahead. And ironically enough, her name is Faith. Faith, as you know, is the kitty who found her way into my life by divine intervention. She has been truly a godsend, and we have a very close bond. This is becoming part of the problem. How can I have love in my heart to see you through your golden years (that may get tougher...) and build a relationship with the being that will probably help me the most when your time runs out? I worry that I will be too afraid to get another dog after you girls are gone, because I know no other dog, of any breed, could compare with how I feel about you. I worry Im not splitting and sharing my time equally. Even in the choices I make in what I or dog book?

This has been bothering me for sometime, an I will voice it at my next therapy session to get an outsiders opinion. I suspect I will need more specialized help, if one of you should leave me, but for right now, this is all Ive got. Im trying to gravitate towards people in the dog world who understand...but its been difficult.

Anyways, I want you to know that Im thinking about you, and loving you every second or every moment of every day I worry about you at night, and beg you in our "goodnights" to wake me if you need me...I'll be there. I'll be there until God separates us...which I worry about so deeply its almost petrifying; making me unable to move or even think clearly. What if I end up in the hospital when you need me most??? I pray that whatever may happen, that that scenario does not. I beg God that we can be together in our final moments; whose ever final moments they may be.

Thank you for being there, and for understanding. I hope I show you enough love every day that you will remember it and think of it when we are parted...that way, we will always live on in eachothers hearts until our souls are reunited.

I love you girls,
xoxo Mom

Saturday, July 6, 2013


Dear girls,

yesterday was D-Day, aka Dental Day. You've had dentals before, but not for a few years, and not while your 10 and 11. Your teeth needed to be done, especially yours Heidi, because your little pink gums were actually separated from your bottom incisors, leaving a gap where bacteria and other things (food?) could get into. You also had a lot of plaque build up, where as Shelby, you had mostly staining. I wanted this to be your last time ever having to have anesthesia...I'm hoping. I'm hoping that you never need any more surgery, and never have an emergency (*knocking vigorously on wood*). But although your dentals went well, the day did not go as planned, and was not easy...for me anyways.

I used to work for the vet that I take you to. Everyone knows me, and knows you are my BABIES. I have been allowed certain "privileges" (for lack off a better term) in the past-I have demanded to be with you while you are "knocked down" (put under) until intubated, and been allowed to see you right when you were extubated and been allowed to stay while you wake up. I have been there for every single surgery you have had. Your MCT's, Heidis perianal adenoma removal, and all of your dentals. But apparently they had a problem with a former employee in the past few weeks and have a new hospital policy that no one but staff was allowed in any treatment areas. Now, I don't know if this means that all visits to inpatients have to be conducted in exam rooms (which will be a problem when its a busy Sunday for emergencies and all the rooms are filled, or when the patient is too sick to be removed from its cage) but I see big problems with this policy in the future.

This "new policy" was completely unexpected when I brought you in yesterday. At first, they said that it would be several hours before they even premedded you because there were patients in line ahead of you. So reluctantly, I left you there (to sit in a cage) while I went to moms house. I waited until about 11:45 when they called me and said to come back, because it was your turn. So I drove down and they paged the dental department.

They brought Shelby out first. You had just been premedded. At first you were excited to see me, but as the time dragged on, you became more and more sedate, and then looked very nauseous. You lay down on the bench, and eventually went into an uneasy sleep. Finally, the tech came out, with Heidi, to come get Shelby because they were ready for her. I said that I usually stay with you until you are intubated and the tech said "well, you'll have to discuss that with the Dr." and then left to go get her...WITH Shelby-I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye because I thought Id see her again very soon.

Unfortunately, the Dr. came out and had a long conversation with me about the hospitals policy changes, not because of the former employees behavior, but because it was for the "patients benefit". I immediately became upset and saw a panic attack coming on. I said that if that was the case, she might as well take Heidi out back and let her premed in comfort, in a cage with a bed. I left, went into my car, and immediately launched into the panic attack that I foresaw coming. I was crying hysterically, hyperventilating, and I vomited several times in the parking lot. I had medication IN me, but no meds ON me to take. When I finally calmed down enough to drive, I went back to moms house, worrying all the time that I was not there and you were scared and not knowing what was happening. I trust the Dr. and staff just fine, but I DONT trust anesthesia. Again, from all my experiences, including waking up during procedures, having a hard time waking up from others and being terrorized and terrified. I hated to think it was something you girls would have to go through.

I waited and waited. Finally at about 3ish, the Dr. called and said Shelby was done and had no issues...just as they thought, she just needed a simple cleaning. Then, at 4:20 she called again and said Heidi was done and did fine too, although she needed her 4 incisors to be pulled. You could both come home after 6. I waited and Mom came home with some dinner. I ate, gratefully, and chatted with her to pass the time uneasily. Finally I could go get you!

You came out, both a little dazed and looking the worse for wear, but you were both OK. I breathed a sigh off relief that I had been holding in all day, waiting to see you in person. I hugged and kissed you, put you into the car, and we went home. You ate some canned food (very hungrily), had your meds (tramadol) and then went to sleep. You were both on the bed at one point but Shelby left to find comfort on the couch. Heidi made it upside down, but got hot after a while and wanted off too. I made a bed in the living room for you, right under Shelby, and I left you to sleep. As for myself, I slept uneasily still upset about the days events.

When I woke up there was poop ALL OVER the kitchen. I didn't care who did it, or how messy it was. I'm just glad someone went. Since then, you guys have remained for the most part, tired. You've slept a lot, but were grateful for breakfast. Heidi, you especially have recouped very well! You get the bursts of energy that demands attention. You want to play, even though you're missing your front teeth and bark at me bossily. You guys are both doing great and I'm so happy and grateful that your OK. I hope you never have to go through any other procedures again. I hope this is it...I hope you stay healthy forever...

I love you always and with all my heart,

Monday, July 1, 2013

Another long absence...

Dear Heidi and Shelby,

so its been quite a while since I've written to you seems like forever; so many things have happened since the last time I wrote. My last post was in October of last year. So many changes...

As you have seen, Mom and Auntie Ginny are packing. Mom has decided to file for bankruptcy and give up our little cottage on the river. You see, Mom has a lot of medical problems and cannot work right now. Although we did get some good news last week when I found out that I was fully approved for disability, it is not enough to keep our little family and house afloat. We will be going back to live with "other mumma" (grandma) and although I know it will be stressful, it is the best thing for us right now. Mom needs to get on a better financial track, and be able to care for you both the way you need to be cared for.

This includes having your teeth cleaned this Friday. I know you girls don't like to go to the vet, and you definitely don't like to be under anesthesia, but it is the best thing for you right now. Lets get this done one last time, so we can take out any problem teeth (Heidi, I'm talking to you) and lets get those babies pearly white so you never have to do this again. Hopefully this will be your last surgeries!!

That reminds me...of one of the events that took place earlier this year. Heidi, do you remember when I was grooming you and I found a lump near your bum? Remember how upset I got? I thought for sure you had your cancer come back; either another MCT or worse, a dreaded adenocarcinoma. Although we biopsied it with a needle and it came back good, I wouldn't have felt right about leaving it there...not with the potential of it really being something serious, or something that could grow and affect your way of life: moving, pooping, etc. So I decided to let you go under the knife yet again, and have this lump removed. Luckily the report on the FULL biopsy came back as a benign adenoma...and we should have no more problems from here on out.

And speaking of problems, Shelby, I believe that the last post was about your eye...anyone wanting to know what happened can rest assured that her corneal scratch healed fully with eye surgery for this girl!

Something else that was GREAT that happened, was our last job. Our DREAM job. A job where I could work with you every day AND get to help people. I was hired as an Animal Facilitated Therapist at a group of regional rehab facilities here in the New England area. Our job was to work with patients and their occupational, speech or physical therapists. Your job was to make the patient feel more at ease and forget the fact that they were scared, or hurt, or in pain...forget that they were doing therapy at all. You both EXCELLED at it...and I have to say, I thought I did too. But Moms anxiety reared its ugly head, and after 3 months, I went to my review and was told I had too many absences; they let us go. I wonder whether or not I could have kept working at that job. Most of my anxieties revolved around seeing you both age; seeing you get slower, or refuse to work because of fatigue. I now look back and understand that we were ALL out of shape, because Mom had spent the past year almost in the dreaded deep hole of depression, and we rarely got out. I would panic when I saw these signs, or worry about seeing them before we would even leave for work. I panicked so much that I immediately thought of getting another dog, to train to do your job (because I expected to be there long term) so you could take a break...have someone waiting in the wings. And that's where Norah comes in...

I found Norah on a puppy/planned litters website for Shiloh Shepherds. I didn't want another sheltie at this time, and was having German Shepherd lust. But I didn't want the typical "no off switch" GSD that had too much energy for me. I wanted a calm, smart working dog...that was big. So, remembering my experiences with the Shiloh breed from working at the vet, that's the breed I gravitated to. Norah came up from Florida and we picked her up from NJ (where her sisters parents lived and drove her to) on 3/17. By April, I could tell something was wrong. It turned out Norah had severe hip dysplasia and would need surgery on both hips. Unfortunately, I could not come up with the money to afford the surgery and rehab...I had to make the heartbreaking and gut-wrenching decision to re-home her...oddly enough with the people from NJ who had brought her up. I LOVED her. I thought she was going to be my next great dog, but fate stepped in, and severed our bond. I think about her every day, and know that YOU know that; I know because you see me still have crying fits and panic attacks when I think about her. I'm sorry I lose sight of you two, right in front of me, and being grateful that I still have you. But its like giving up a baby...a baby I will never see grow up; a baby who has issues that I couldn't take care of or fix. It not only feels like a failure, but a devastating loss filled with immeasurable grief.

But I am working on that grief, and with your help, along with "other mumma" and Auntie Ginny, I'm slowly getting through it. I'm trying to focus more on YOU two now, and realizing that you are my future and at this age, you need to be cared for, even more than before. Heidi, today is your 11th birthday...your considered by some to be an "old lady"!! But I tell people don't let that white on her face fool you...she is still as quick, smart, brilliant and playful as ever...and so is her sister, who is only 7 mos younger! You two give me a reason to get up every day, and are forcing me to get out and socialize. Id like to get you back into agility, even just open practice, so you can have some fun again and keep yourselves young =0) And of course, it wouldn't hurt me to get some more exercise!!

So that's where we've been the past 6 mos, and I will try my damnedest to not let another 6 mos go by before I write to you again. I expect many more adventures for us; especially this year and the year ahead. Get ready girls...Mom may not be 100%, but I'm trying...and I know you'll be right there by my side helping me get back to where I was...

I love you both SO much,
Happy 11th birthday Heidi,
Love Mom

Friday, October 5, 2012

Eye spy...a black cloud

Dear Heidi and Shelby,

it seems like the perpetual black cloud that has been hanging over our head is still there...and it stretches on. Heidi, you saw the surgeon on Wednesday, and we found out that fortunately, you did not blow out your knee. The Dr. thought that your cruciate was fine, and and the possibility of tearing your meniscus without blowing the cruciate too was very unlikely...possible, but unlikely. She thought it could be another ligament that was irritated, as the swelling in the knee was more medial (inside), or a bursa. Either way, the instructions were the same-icing, range of motion exercises, PT, and rest. We have a follow up next Wednesday to check on your progress.

Well, the good news is, is that there is progress to report.You're now weight bearing on the leg, and able to get around better. You actually went on a short walk around the neighborhood tonight, and hardly limped, or even paced at all. GREAT NEWS! We came back and I iced your leg, and you even jumped up onto the couch on your own (while you were unsupervised!) The gabapentin that the Dr. gave you also seems to be helping. Not enough to make you loopy or forget that you have some pain (which slows you down), but enough to dull it.

The only other problem, is that on tonight's walk, you decided you needed to potty. When I went to go scoop, it was fairly loose-I guess not giving you your flagyl this morning made a difference. I didn't give it, because when you went poop for the first time the other night, it was completely solid and formed. So, I gave it to you tonight. I also have been mixing kibble in with your chicken/rice/baby food mixture so that might have made a difference as well. I want to make sure we take care of this bug all the way. I'm a little concerned about this, but hoping that a few more days of flagyl and bland diet goodness will help.

Now, onto my little Shelby. You my dear, have decided that you do not like that your sister has been getting more of her fair share of attention. So you had to do something to get some too. Yeah...the way in which you did it a good idea. Granted, it wasn't your fault. It was an accident. You were standing close to the book shelf while I was feeding the fish, and one of the cats knocked over a knick-nack. It hit you, but I didn't see where. You squeeked and ran away under the table. When you came out, I thought it had hit you in the foot. But a little while later, when you jumped on the bed, I saw you squinting and your nictating membrane was up. I grabbed an ice pack and held it on your eye, but it didn't seem to alleviate the pain.

I called the vet AGAIN, and we went in to see the opthamalogist, Dr. Marrion as she really loves you guys. She stained your eye and found a scratch on your cornea. GREAT =0( She gave us some meds and said hopefully that these would work on your eye to help heal the scratch and prevent it from turning into an ulcer. She also gave you tramadol for your pain. She said to see her next week for a recheck. Great. Now you and Heidi have appointments on the same day. At least I can save on the gas driving down there...yeah. Theres the silver lining. The real good news will be that your scratch has healed, instead of it turning into an ulcer and needing surgery. Now THAT will be a silver lining.

So that's where we stand now, girls. Waiting to see how your rechecks go next week. Lets hope that Heidi's leg, and Shelbys eye, have healed. Lets hope this black cloud has some light behind it...

I love you girls,
and will always take care of you,

Monday, October 1, 2012

Sick Puppy

Dear Heidi,

You're scaring me. You have been vomiting and had diarrhea for about 4 days now. Nothing I have done seemed to help-not fasting, not a bland diet, not slippery elm. So finally, before you got too dehydrated, I decided to bring you into the hospital. I called and made the appointment yesterday, after I had shown you some food (boiled chicken and rice) and you promptly threw up just at its smell. I made the appointment for 10:30 this morning with a different doctor than you usually see, because she was at a CE lecture in CA.

But this morning, you decided to make me worry just a bit more! I put all 4 of you out, and when you came in, you immediately lie down. When I called you up, you had an extremely hard time getting up, were wobbbly when standing, and then revealed that you were standing on only 3 legs. You were non-weight bearing on your right rear leg. I feel terrible that I don't know what happened, because I wasn't watching you. Did you slip on the wet leaves on the deck? Slip on the stairs? What happened?

So, you rested with me the rest of the morning, and then I got you up to go to the vet. When we got there, I wrapped you in a blanket and carried you in. The room tech, and then the dr. asked me all kinds of questions regarding your GI upset, and your lameness. I don't think I did a good job explaining...I felt like a neglectful mother. But the dr. was able to decipher what I was trying to remember and tell them.

She wanted to do some bloodwork, give you fluids and some injections. Unfortunately, the two issues do not help each other...they cant give you pain meds, because of your upset tummy, and the fact that your NSAID intolerant (they put you into renal failure). So the plan is to try and get your GI tract back in shape, and then deal with your sore leg.

They gave you sub-q fluids, pepcid, cerenia and buprinex all by injection, and sent you home with flagyl. As soon as your belly gets better, we will start gabapentin for your leg, and if that and rest doesn't help, we'll see the surgeon. The dr. we saw had another dr. feel your leg and agreed that the knee was inflamed, but you didn't blow it out (we hope). Everyone agreed it was probably soft tissue, so as of now, xrays weren't needed. They were also not needed for your abdomen as it is unlikely you have a foreign body.

When I took you home, you were pretty out of it. The burpinex made you pretty tired and you panted all the way home, sitting beside me in the passenger seat. We had to stop at Walmart to get you some baby food and pick up my prescription. You didn't move the entire time I was in the store. When we finally got home, I carried you into the front yard, thinking you would have to pee. Instead you had more diarrhea, this time with a touch of blood. You almost couldn't walk into the house. I put my Patriots blanket onto the floor, and you lied right down. After I had gotten settled, I put you in bed with me. That's where you've been all day...sleeping. I just took you out again, and saw how much pain you are really in. You limped around, a tripod, and wouldn't do potty for me. It was hard for you to get into the position because of your leg =0(

I'm going to continue to watch you, and carry you around for as long as it takes. I want you to rest your leg, and we need to get your GI stuff under control. I'm going to try and feel you a little more later tonight, and hope that stays down...otherwise, its back to the dr.

Please get better my love...I hate seeing you in this much pain and discomfort. Your so stoic, I know you must be in a lot of pain in order to show it. I hope we can figure all of this out...

I love you,