A calling?

Dear Heidi and Shelby,

I have always had high expectations for you. Ive always wanted you to be well rounded, and able to show off your many talents-given to you by genetics (your breed) and how you were raised. I wanted to do it all-obedience, agility, rally and therapy dog work. But due to a lack of funds and talent (on my part) we haven't been able to do much. We spent a great year and a half in agility a few years ago, and you guys were really able to show your stuff; we never had an outing where we didn't place.

But due to Heidi's shoulder injury and numerous health problems on my part, we had to retire from AKC agility early. As for now, if we go back, we'll be involved with NADAC-allowing you to jump nice and low. But in the mean time (in the time it takes for me to get my health back and hopefully some money for competitions) Ive been thinking a lot about doing therapy dog work. You both are certified through TDI and passed your test with flying colors. You both seem to have a calling for it. Heidi, I knew you would be a natural-wanting to say hello to everyone, no matter what extra equipment (wheelchairs, canes etc.) people had, or how unique their situation was. They were a person, and you wanted to get your belly rubbed! Shelby, you came as a bit of a surprise. Being so much more active and energetic than your sister, you always seemed to have another job to do, other than saying hello to strangers (i.e. chasing seagulls at the beach). But in the nursing home setting where we took the test you really surprised me. Being very available to all who wanted to say hello and pet you. You stood quietly by someones side as they stroked you and asked me questions about you both.

I hemmed and hawed for a while now, not knowing if this was something that I could turn to as MY calling. I feel like I have wasted time by not getting you girls involved with this sooner, but my own fears and insecurities have gotten in the way. We had an experience recently though that made me rethink all of this and maybe want to give it a try. I took you guys to see my grandfather in his nursing home just last week. They were so friendly, just allowing you to come in with no questions asked. We rode the elevator on up, and entered his room. He was very excited to see you and pet you a little before I put you on his bed. There you laid, totally at ease and rested-getting attention when my grandfather or his wife would come over to reach you from their wheelchairs.

When we were going to leave, we were stopped several times not only by patients, but staff members as well. You both seemed to put a smile on every ones face whom you met. We were even asked to make a special visit to one young man who was a paraplegic...I lifted you up so he could see and pet you easier.

Ive thought alot about this visit, and I realized that it might just do me some good to get out. I know I cant work right now, but maybe volunteering is the way to go-to get out there and not spend all day at home cooped up in the house. I think a different venue might be more appropriate for us, and Ive been contemplating the VA hospital and Mass General where I get all of my treatments done. I'm going to make some calls tomorrow and see what I can find out.

I think this will be a new and exciting venture for us (if we can ever get this flea problem under control!!) and I look forward to working with you girls and spreading the joy that you give to me every moment of every day, to others.

So good night my babies, and sleep well. A vet appointment lies in store for you tomorrow to see if we can get these fleas under control and see if we can get Shelby's skin fixed. These little buggers are really making her suffer-covered and bites and red raw, she is constantly scratching. We'll have a better idea whats going on tomorrow.

Good night for now, and have sweet dreams. We'll have some more to think about tomorrow. I love you so much, xoxo

Still fighting the battle...and special outings

Dear Heidi and Shelby,

uggghhhhh....the fleas are not totally gone. Even after a bath and Frontline (which I have never ever used in your life-and now I'm thinking it was a waste and mistake) I found 2 fleas on Shelby this morning. Her skin is all red and still super itchy. I powdered the house this afternoon with our concoction of borax powder, diatomaceious earth and Natural Defense essential oil powder. I plan on powdering you girls with it tomorrow.

I'm also going to call the vet and see if there is anything I can use to help with the itchies. Heidi, you seem to be holding up well-not a lot of bites and not itchy. But Shelby, my little one, you're being eaten alive. Ive got to do something for you. I tried the oatmeal shampoo the other day when we had tubbies but clearly, this isn't enough. I'll see if I can get something stronger for you to help.

On another note, we went to the beach again today. It was auntie Ginny's last day of vacation, and we wanted to make it a special day so she could spend it with us, and of course her kids. You guys had such a blast again, sunning around after your toys and the seagulls. I love watching you run, as if you didn't have a care in the world...so free. I know that part of the secret to keeping you guys healthy and with me for as long as possible is to keep you active and happy. Tomorrow we'll probably go to the farm and have a nice walk there. I look forward to all of our outings...and then watching you sleep when you get home. I know that resting is important for your aging bodies, and watching you sleep after a long walk gives me immense satisfaction. I know that you are happy, and are comfortable enough in our house with your strange pack (of other dogs and cats!) to let your guard down and really sleep...just finding a spot where your comfortable and crash. I feel like I have done my job as dog mom for the day, right.

So for tonight, my little ones, sleep and dream of your favorite places and things to do. I promise that we will try to make your dreams a reality as much as possible. You two deserve it. Being the worlds best shelties and all ;0)

Good night my babies. I will see you in the morning for our next adventure...and for some powdering and grooming...

Im sorry girls...the bugs are back

Dear Heidi and Shelby,

Mummas been failing you. Ive noticed for a while now how you have been itchy; scratching whenever you got the chance. I would pet you and notice how your coat felt sandy-normal I thought for two dogs who play at the beach so much. Well, I was wrong. Once I started paying attention more, I noticed how red your skin was, the black dirt in your coat and the small fleas crawling on you! We did this all once before...but you've been flea-free since. I treated you completely holistically and without chemicals.

This time, I may have to resort to heavier duty weapons...because the problem seems to be bigger. There seem to be more of them, and everyone seems to be a carrier-the other two dogs and all the cats. So we're going to take care of this problem because it isn't good for you, babies, and we need to get rid of them.

So today you took a capstar-that will kill any adults on you. Tomorrow you get to look forward to tubbies; we'll get them all off. After that we'll use the borax powder and the diatomaceous earth and powder you down. We'll keep doing that until we're sure we got them all. No more bites for you. No more scratching. I'm so sorry it took me this long to realize what the problem was...but now we're going to take care of it. Mumma will fix it and get you guys back to normal. No more itchy scratchy shelties!!

I love you and I'm sorry in advance for the tubbies ;0)

Where we're going, and where we've been...

Dear Heidi and Shelby,

Its been a long time since Ive felt well enough to write on your blog. Not long after our last post, where we did the paws for a cure walk, I found myself finding symptoms that concerned me. I decided to get help, and this started the long and difficult struggle of being caught in the throws of a deep depression. So deep, my lovely angels, that not even you alone could pull me out. On the darkest days, I did remember you and the love that we shared and I can be honest saying that you guys did save my life...a few times. But my illness was such that you alone could not help me get out. Little did I know how long and tough the road would be to get back to somewhat normal.

After a few hospital stays, many medication changes and therapy, I can say now, that I am almost at that place. There are still things that I need and want to work on, but I am back enjoying the things I used to...the things that involved you girls. As I said in your last letter, I hope to remember how short life really is, and how little time we really have to enjoy it together. Heidi, you just celebrated your tenth birthday on July 1st; and having your cousin diagnosed with CHF has just made me face your mortality even more. I know one day you girls and I will have to part...and it will be the saddest day of my life. So lets keep doing the things that we love: going out and enjoying this great big world. Lets focus on where we're going next-whether it be as close by as the farm, or as far away as a sheltie national. We're going to take one day at a time, and Momma is going to make sure we do something together every day-whether it be spending some time together grooming, or waking, or just relaxing on the deck. I never want to go to the dark place again...and I know that having the two of you around will make it that much harder to slip into that mindset. You two are the stars in my sky...you keep shining bright even when there is no other light. You guide me to be a better, more active person.

I thank you girls for all you've done. I thank you for your uniquely canine way of being forever loyal and never wavering. You never left me for a minute even though I left you plenty of times. I love you both so much, and you have such a big part of my heart, I find it hard to breathe thinking of being without you. Thank you for all you've done...now lets go and find our next adventure together!

thanks again my sweet girls,
xoxo

Letters to the girls: #1

Dear Heidi and Shelby,

I was so happy to take you to the beach today. I knew that you guys were going to have a blast; the weather was sunny with just a hint of hazy clouds making it warm, but not too much so. It was nice and cool in the 70's, so even walking in the sun it wasn't too hot for your sheltie coats.

Shelby, you had such a good time chasing all of the "beach geese" (seagulls) off your beach. No matter how many times, even right in a row that one would fly over, you would go sprinting away barking your little sheltie head off on one simple command from me: "away". You'd come back with the proudest look on your face, a big smile that said "did you see what I did mom?" Id give you a pat on the side and tell you what a good girl you were. After a few runs, you'd come back with "happy tongue" (where the tongue hangs out the side of your mouth) and I know that you felt that you had done your job, and you had done it right. You had my girl, you had.

Heidi on the other hand, you waited somewhat impatiently for what good time you knew was coming. Mom always brings a special toy for you (since you have no interest in flying things) and today you weren't disappointed. Auntie Ginny had bought a UFO toy for her dog, but you quickly took it over with your superior fetching skills. In fact, once you came back with it hanging by just one canine tooth...a very cool trick we all made a big deal over. Sometimes UFO would end up in the water. Usually this didn't stop you from completing the task of retrieving skills but sometimes it would get just out of your reach and momma would have to go in knee deep and rescue it for you. You'd stand on the beach barking your commands to "hurry up and throw it again!" and I of course, complied.

You guys had such a good time today...it seemed so freeing after being in the house the past couple days. I tried to take you yesterday and had everything all planned out, but after having (my) moms dog Brandy knock me over, I knew I couldn't walk and it wouldn't be a good day. Today my leg still hurt, but not bad enough to curb our trip again. I promise we will go back soon. Its so nice to see you running and acting so happy and free. It makes me remember what our wonderful relationship is all about...the good times.

I was reminded of that constantly today, remembering Aunties dog Molly's diagnosis of CHF and knowing she has limited time with those she loves. And then when I got home, I saw a facebook post saying that Judy, Heidi's breeder had lost her very special heart-dog Jackson. Time is short, and we never know when it will be up...we never know what is going to come tomorrow. We have to make the best of today. I hope that I keep doing that and never let you down. There will be a day where we have to say goodbye for now and I hope to remember all of these good times.

I hope to remember laying with you Shelby on the bed tonight and marveling at your feet. How many times had those feet padded over the sand today, running away from me after your "prey" and then dutifully running back to check in with me. I played with the soft curls that your fur makes when it air dries from being wet from the beach water. I looked at the beautiful highlights in your sandy hair.

I love you. Both. So much. Please, never forget that. And I will try to do my part and  remember every day too. Good night my girls. Sleep well.

Making a difference...

It is now almost two whole months since Heidi's diagnosis. I never thought we would be where we are now...back to just about normal. It is just mind blowing to me; that in two short months, 8 fleeting weeks, we go from indescribable terror and fear about hearing the word "cancer", to constant worry about kidney values and skin flaps, to the dread of having to walk into NEVOG for an appointment where we would be told our fate. But all along this bumpy road, we never lost hope. We have had great support to remind us when times got really tough that things would go back to "normal" someday and hopefully, in the long run, Heidi would be OK. We all would. And now it seems like we're almost there. Looking back, I cant believe how fast that time went by...

It is truly amazing to me not only how fast the body can heal (Heidi grew a 2 inch by 6 inch strip of skin in about 3 weeks!) but how well the spirit holds up. I mean, I know I should be surprised. Look at me. I went from being a blue baby to having two open heart surgeries that completely altered the way my circulatory system works, to surviving a blood clot, almost bleeding to death and then having a stent placed to allow me to be able to breath and live. And I'm only 27! Yes, looking at that all compacted in a short sentence looks impressive, but living through it and having all of that time pass in between incidents makes you forget a little bit of the fear and anxiety you're living with. But with Heidi, her whole illness has been so compact; almost like the sentence used to describe it. And although I have been an obvious part of it, it hasn't been MY BODY going through it...although I now know and have a new respect for how my mom feels when I am sick! But I also now know how she must feel when she sees me get better...

Heidi is totally back to her old self...in fact, she might even be (if possible) more energetic! She wants to play almost non stop (even to the point of bringing her toys to bed with us) and she is getting into more mischief: she barks and herds us through the house during our daily routines even more than usual, and the other day I came home from work to find my bedroom trash was picked through and then spread all over my floor! There was nothing in it but papers and dryer sheets, but...why is my 7 1/2 year old dog doing this to me?!?! I think just because she can...and because she wants to remind me that she is NOT SICK!!!

We try and take daily walks and have already been to the beach several times. Monday the girls made their debut at school-we were doing a palpation lab, so we were able to bring our dogs to locate things we had been learning about; in this instance, bones. They did GREAT! Everyone was impressed at how well behaved they were, and they made friends with the other dogs that had come in. I know that in a few weeks we will even be back to kayaking, which I cant wait for! I'm of course still being diligent about their health, though: I check Heidi's leg and incision site on her side daily, and I have started them both on some new supplements. They go in for their annual visit at the end of May, and at that point will have titers and their 6 month blood work done. I'm also going to go ahead and have chest x-rays and an abdominal ultrasound done then as well...

I am SO GRATEFUL to be so blessed and, lets face it, lucky. I can't believe how well things have turned out. But again, although this fact makes us blessed, it is because we have been lucky. So many of my friends have lost their fur-kids (even just recently) to this dreaded disease called "cancer". But even witnessing my friends pain of fighting their dogs' battle, and seeing dogs that I watched grow up lose that battle and pass over the bridge, I was still detached from the grief. Although I tried hard not to think about it and put myself in their shoes to spare my own feelings and emotions, I cant pretend it didn't obviously affect me...a lot. But like so many other situations in life it takes personal experience to truly know what it feels like and to want to make a change; to make a difference.

And so, with Heidi as my motivator, but Wally the Greyhound, Diesel the Rottie and Forrest the Newfie as my inspiration, we have decided to participate in the "Paws for a Cure" walk: http://www.paws4acure.org/home.html

This walk helps raise money for families in need of help to treat their dogs cancer. It is our honor and privilege to walk for our friends. I initially decided to walk on my own with the two girls, but after talking with my mom (and her request to walk with us) I decided to create a walk team. At this moment, its just us two =0) But we hope there will be more to join us! And if there is anyone out there unable to walk but still looking to help, you can pledge to sponsor us right on Heidi's team page, which is here: http://www.paws4acure.org/teamheidi.html

This is kind of a big deal for us; not only because of the incredible mission and purpose of the walk itself, but it is going to probably be a real challenge for us. I know some people who just finished the Boston Marathon, but for Heidi and I, this is ours. I don't think I have walked 3 miles since I got sick last year...I'm sure I can do it, but I know we wont be the ones setting the pace! And of course with Heidi's leg still healing and arthritis, it will be a challenge for her too. But this is too important for us to pass up...the challenge of facing cancer (and then having to worry about how to pay for its treatment) is a much bigger one than some 3 mile walk...

Thank you all again for your support, your following and your well wishes for my family. If you are able to sponsor us, thank you. If not, that's OK! Maybe there will be something in your area that is looking for support-like volunteering. Please consider helping out a truly worthy cause...we don't want anyone to have to go through what we and our friends have...

stinky, stinky stinky? HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY!!

I'm seriously considering sticking my dogs in a Hefty bag. Sticking them in a Hefty bag, tying the ends TIGHTLY shut, and then putting said back out on the curb. Why such drastic measures? Because my dogs SMELL. They smell BAD. Almost indescribably bad. And I don't know why. I went to work today, then went to the grocery store, and then came home. I grabbed some of the groceries and carted them into the house, where I was immediately jumped by my attack dogs. I bent down to say a quick hello, and then ushered them outside to potty. I grabbed the rest of the groceries and went back in the house. I bent down again to give the girls a more proper and thorough greeting and that's when it hit me. The stench. That smelly smell of something that smells smelly. It smelled like old, rancid, left-on-the-counter-too-long goat cheese...with metallic overtones...like someone had added rusty nails to the mix. I smelled it on Shelby first. I was a little overwhelmed. She followed me into my bedroom when I went to change, and jumped up on my bed. Then my mom came in, and went to say hello to the girls too. "Don't pet Shelby!" I warned. She asked why, and I told her to have a good sniff. "Oh my GOD, what IS that?!" she asked. THAT is a very good question...

I took her into the bathroom and decided to try and wash some "stank"off. Yeah. It turns out my wipees that I use for emergency "bummy checks" dried up. I tried re-hydrating them by running some water over them, but to no avail. They did not come back to life. Their slightly flowery scent did not return. Damn. I didn't have anything else. Oooh! Lets try some essential oils! Those are good and strong, and the few I have Shelby seems to like. I put a few drops on my hands, rubbed them together and applied to Shelby's head. Then I crossed my fingers and smelled my dog in some bizarre, backwards version whats supposed to happen.

No change! Now she just smelled like old, rancid goat cheese with essential oils added in! Dammit!!!! Well, there's nothing I can do about it right this second. I had other stuff to do, like make dinner, iron and some other things around the house. It wasn't hurting her, and I just figured I could snuggle and kiss parts of her body other than her face and head. Then I bent down to take a toy from Heidi and I smelled it on HER TOO. Did she get it from Shelby?!?!? Was it spreading like some form of noxious gas???

Now I was not only completely bemused, but...a little worried. Having a stinky smell on one dog was bad enough, but...what if they both got into something? I figured Shelby might have rolled in something outside, or stuffed her head onto something...because that's what she does. She rolls in smelly seaweed at the beach, and head-presses and rubs after eating. She also eats poop. Heidi does gross things too, but different types of gross things: eating socks and undies, and licking body stuff-like her scabs on her surgery site and blood (eeeewwww....) So the thought of them both eating something gross is odd...and scary.

I looked EVERYWHERE. They only have access to the kitchen, living room and my bedroom when we're not home. I just cleaned the house on Wednesday. And we always make sure everything is picked up before we go in the morning. I couldn't find anything. Not on the carpets, floors or furniture. I thought maybe one of them had gotten sick and they both ate it ? (Yeah, I know. Even though they're Shelties, they're not all perfect all the time!) I found nothing. Then I searched outside. Still nothing. I'm really puzzled.

All I know right now is that not only am I going to be rearranging my schedule to fit baths in in the next few days, but I'm also going to be keeping an eye out for anything weird: any weird behaviors or any weird physical signs that they did ingest something not meant for Shelties to eat.

On a happier note, Heidi continues to improve day by day. She has no more scabs and her scar is nice and pink (which equals healthy!) She does have a few more fluid pockets that are from suture reaction; some of her internal sutures are making her skin angry-they are making little pustules that rupture and which allows the suture to poke through. The surgeon told me to pull them...so I did. I've removed about 6-7 inches (in various sized pieces) from the little wounds. I've kept them clean and put antibiotic ointment on them, and most of those are healed too...although I did find one or two that haven't burst yet when I checked her tonight.

We've been to the beach twice, and will continue to build up all of our strength and stamina. She's playing tug with her toys like a FIEND and just wants to go Go GO!. Shelby's humoring her and playing with her a bit, but shes definitely enjoying getting out and about too...and being able to chase the birds again! The weather is getting nicer, so we'll all get more active over the next few weeks. Hopefully by the time the really nice weather comes, we'll be in decent shape to really get out and enjoy it! (More on that later).

Keep your fingers and paws crossed for us and the smell. I'm so used to snuggling and kissing them all over; I'm like some weird drug addict who huffs my dogs. They each have their own individual sweet smell: like the mixtures of the various places we go outdoors, essential oil blends that we use for flea/tick repellant and just overall cleanness. I have to say my dogs are NOT the stinky kind...they don't even usually smell when they get wet! I'm hoping the baths will do the trick. Otherwise, we will be DESPERATELY looking for some kind of "doggy febreeze"...or some Sheltie sized Hefty bags!